New Year's Eve back in '84 Yan-Aye and I headed off to the store Mom and Dad felt overly nice Let us stay out till two that night Getting underage beer was no cause for alarm Rock mag fake IDs worked like a charm Just enough money to buy all our stuff Some beer and smokes for Yan-Aye to puff
My kid brother Jeff, everybody called him Weef Freshman year and dumb beyond belief Said, "Can you grab me and my buddy a six?" A simple request with a dangerous mix Then Fat Bill showed up wearin' that grin Planning the trouble he'd get us in Pourin' cheap whiskey into Weef's beer Laughin' his ass off from ear to ear
Weef the Rat, pukin' at 2 A.M. Head in the toilet turnin' on his kin Finger pointed while his stomach came apart Ratted me out like a shot to my heart Jackass 1 and Jackass 2 I shoulda known what those idiots would do The bathroom floor became sacred ground When sibling loyalty finally drowned
Yan-Aye and me got home alright Stumbled downstairs and safe for the night Dad looked suspicious but gave us a pass Little did I know he'd start kickin' my ass Then my bedroom door flew open wide Dad came stormin' in, nowhere to hide Yellin' and cursin', raisin' some hell And I knew things weren't goin' too well
There was Weef upstairs worshippin' porcelain Pukin' whiskey foam and Old Mil again Somehow through all of that physical pain That rat bastard still knew my name "Scott bought the beer!" was the dying cry Like a mob informant about to die Face in the bowl, soul leavin' his skin Still found time to turn me in
Weef the Rat, pukin' at 2 A.M. Head in the toilet turnin' on his kin Finger pointed while his stomach came apart Ratted me out like a shot to my heart Jackass 1 and Jackass 2 I shoulda known what those idiots would do The bathroom floor became sacred ground When sibling loyalty finally drowned
Next day the evidence all came clear Whiskey ambush mixed with cheap-ass beer Fat Bill laughing, Weef near death Smelled like Old Milwaukee breath Shockingly I got off light Somehow survived that New Year's night But I swore an oath till the day I die Never trust Weefer with beer for a night
And trust me boys, before spring arrived That policy helped keep me alive 'Cause Weef and his boys stayed pretty dumb Wait for Part 2 in the garage of Matt Holcomb
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